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greenpainters
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 pm
Location: NSW
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Jokes

Post by greenpainters » Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:57 pm

There was a painter by the name of Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin his paint to make it go further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Church decided to do a big restoration job that involved the painting of one of its biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

He went about erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down. Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away with the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.

The torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

Repaint! Repaint!
And thin no more!
Any colour as long as it's green!
http://www.greenpainters.org.au

greenpainters
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 pm
Location: NSW
Contact:

Blonde Painting Joke

Post by greenpainters » Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:59 pm

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Last edited by greenpainters on Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Any colour as long as it's green!
http://www.greenpainters.org.au

greenpainters
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 pm
Location: NSW
Contact:

Painting Joke

Post by greenpainters » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:01 pm

The Painting Job
One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, I'm out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting..."

"Painting?" the woman jumped in.

"Oh, yes, Ma'am! Im a very careful painter," the man replied, his face brightening at the realization she could provide him some work.

"I'll tell you what. My husband just bought some green paint last week to paint the porch out back with, but we haven't had any time. If you can do a good job, then you can paint it before he gets home and surprise him.

"Now, do a particularly good job and paint the trimmings white also, and I'll pay you an extra bonus."

"Oh yes, Ma'am, I'll do an excellent job!" He was told the paints were also around back in the garage.

A few hours later, the man returns to the door.

"That was quick, did you do a good job?" the woman inquires.

"Oh yes Ma'am, two coats! But there's something you should know," the man says.

"That's not a Porsche, thats a Mercedes!"
Any colour as long as it's green!
http://www.greenpainters.org.au

greenpainters
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 pm
Location: NSW
Contact:

Painting the Dunny

Post by greenpainters » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:06 pm

A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country dunny, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom.

Panicking at finding himself neck-deep in crap, he shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.

The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens roaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief.

"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled, 'Shit! Shit! Shit!' who would have rescued me?"
Any colour as long as it's green!
http://www.greenpainters.org.au

greenpainters
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 pm
Location: NSW
Contact:

Cheeky Painter

Post by greenpainters » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 pm

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house.

"You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check.

"Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.

Thinking the painter had forgotten something the man asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"

"Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
Any colour as long as it's green!
http://www.greenpainters.org.au

greenpainters
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 pm
Location: NSW
Contact:

Workcover Joke

Post by greenpainters » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:10 pm

A workman was killed at a construction site. The Workcover inspector began questioning a number of the other workers.

Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.

The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.

The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.

The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.

The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.
Any colour as long as it's green!
http://www.greenpainters.org.au

Eugene
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:06 am

Re: Jokes

Post by Eugene » Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:11 am

Keep them coming. They are getting better and better.

Pacificpainters
Posts: 55
Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:57 am
Location: Fiji
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Re: Jokes

Post by Pacificpainters » Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:01 pm

Eugene wrote:Keep them coming. They are getting better and better.
Uh no, ... !

Eugene
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:06 am

Re: Jokes

Post by Eugene » Sun Jul 22, 2012 5:34 am

Construction Whodunnit

A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other workers.
Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.

The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.

The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.

The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.

The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.



P.s - not my joke, stolen material. But I liked it

Eugene
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:06 am

Re: Jokes

Post by Eugene » Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:42 am

Found this:

Two men contracted to paint a small community church. Being very frugal(cheap), they pinched and scraped to spend the absolute minimum on materials. Then, when they were only partway through the job, they determined that they did not, after all, have enough paint to complete the job. Not wishing to spend any more money if they didn't absolutely have to, they decided they would just dilute the water-based paint they were using so that it would last longer. They did this a couple more times before they finished, which caused striping on the church as the paint got lighter each time it was thinned. The painters had just about gotten to the top of the steeple, when, all of a sudden, the sky darkened, and the rain started to pour down. As the paint streamed down the sides of the church, a voice boomed from the heavens: "Repaint, you thinners! Repaint, and thin no more!"

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